Uncoordinated Rants II: The gym

Here are some useful tips for the gym.

1. Understand the clothes that you wear: Going to the gym is not an excuse to wear whatever you want. Here are some simple rules to follow:
a. If I can see your ass, you’re doing it wrong: Seriously. Generally a female problem, but not necessarily. I don’t care that you’re so-ho friend at Kappa Tappa Kegga gave you micro-shorts with” JUCY!” written in nice friendly letters across your ass, don’t wear them to the gym. Minimum length required: If we can see your ass cheeks fall out of your shorts (and, ladies, this does happen) the shorts are two small. If you are going to wear these shorts (and you shouldn’t), at the bare minimum please, for the love of God, at least wear tights under them.

b. On Male’s shirts: T-shirts or, if you must, tank tops or sleeveless shirts. Also: please wear a shirt without holes. I am not talking about minor holes, but shirts that are tactfully shredded and to show off your “swole” muscles. This is especially important if your back is loaded with acne. This is considered a classic symptom of steroid use. From this, I can only imagine your morning routine is gym, tan, shoot horse steroids, laundry. Pro-Tip: it is probably a good idea to avoid looking like you use illegal drugs regardless if you do or not.

c. Be conscious of your fit: Unless you are built like a bronzed God (and none of us are) super taught clothes only serve to highlight unflattering aspects of your body. Be wary.

2. Don’t walk backwards on the track: Believe it or not, rules about running around the track are there for a reason. I know that they place stations around the track. I know that you may want to use the machine “behind” you. Even though it causes you to walk several extra feet, you should go with the flow of traffic and walk “all the way around the track”. I know it’s hard, but you should really question your motivation of being at the gym if you need to walk slowly against the tide of runners (forcing them to move out of the way while you shuffle forward and stare blankly) in order to save 3 calories of effort.

3. No makeup: Sweat plus makeup equals paste on your face. You look like Courtney Love.

4. No screaming: You may not know this, but it actually requires concentration to avoid crushing body parts while lifting. Hence, the irritation that comes from hearing a male voice scream “OHMYGODOHMYGODICANFEELMYDICK!HHHHRRRRUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH” is substantial. You are lifting 250 lbs, not giving birth. Unless blood or broken bones are involved anything above an audible grunt is just grandstanding. Shockingly, the louder the person, the lower the amount of weight they are lifting. Also, besides your bro-sephs, no one else gives a shit.
5. Don’t slam the weights: If you can’t control the weights when you put them down, you are lifting too much. Like a drunken 14 year-old driving a Monte Carlo, you are just not up to the task. Check your pride at the door, and stop breaking the gym’s shit. This is especially annoying when coupled with #4 above.

6. The gym is not a daycare: Working out is an important norm to pass down your spawn. However, the ideal time to do this is not when they are 4 and you are not watching them while you are screaming on the weight machine. This is dangerous and very different from a 14 year old that respectfully uses a weight machine under the watchful eye of a parent. Either pay for a babysitter or park the kids in front of the TV so that they can become good consumers like everyone else.

YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY STATEMENT:

Prepared especially for XXXXXXX X. XXXXXXXXX

Dated January 14th 2009
[. . .]
"In 2017 we will begin paying more in benefits than we collect in taxes. Without changes, by 2041 the Social Security Trust Fund will be exhausted and there will be enough money to pay only about 78 cents for each dollar of scheduled benefits."
[. . .]

Dated January 12th 2010
[. . .]
"In 2016 we will begin paying more in benefits that we collect in taxes. Without changes, by 2037 the Social Security Trust Fund will be exhausted and there will be enough money to pay only about 76 cents for each dollar of scheduled benefits."
[. . .]

Discuss.

Due Dates

January 19
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Clarkson Lumber
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Advanced Medical Technologies

January 20
Club - Clubfest
ACCT 598 - Case - Bob Thompson (not graded)
ACCT 598 - Questions

January 22
ACCT 598 - Reflection
ACCT 588 - Homework 1
FIN 505 - Assignments Due (3)
FIN 505 - Chapters 3,4,2

January 25
FIN 505 - Assignment Due
FIN 505 - Chapter 5

January 26
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Star Enterprises A
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Star Enterprises B

January 27
ACCT 598 - Paper 1
ACCT 598 - Case - Monolithic Financial (no cites needed)
ACCT 598 - Homework - WOLK Chapter 7 Q- 1,6,8,10,15,16,17,18 CPW- 3
ACCT 588 - Homework 2

January 28
ACCT 486 - Complete Basic Training

January 29
ACCT 598 - Reflection
ACCT 588 - EXAM

Feburary 1
FIN 505 - Assignments Due
FIN 505 - Chapter 6


Feburary 2
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Star Enterprises C
FIN 515 - Case 2 - JetBlue

Feburary 4
ACCT 486 - Complete Foreign Student Test
ACCT 598 - Case - Grass Chopper
ACCT 598 - Case - THe Mule

Feburary 5
ACCT 588 - Homework 3

Feburary 7
ACCT 598 - Reflection

Feburary 8
ACCT 588 - Memo
FIN 505 - Assignments Due
FIN 505 - Chapters 8,10,17

Feburary 9
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Dividend Policy at Linear Technology
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Super Project

Feburary 10
ACCT 598 - Case - Eye of the Potato
ACCT 598 - Case - Frequent Fixer
ACCT 598 - Strongly consider busting ass on Midterm

Feburary 11
ACCT 486 - State Test

Feburary 12
ACCT 598 - Reflection

Feburary 15
ACCT 588 - Homework 4
FIN 505 - Assignments due
FIN 505 - Chapter 11

Feburary 16
ACCT 486 - Intermediate Test
FIN 515 - Exam 1

Feburary 17
ACCT 598 - Midterm Due
ACCT 588 - EXAM 2

Feburary 19
ACCT 598 - Reflection

Feburary 22
Work - Auditors Arrive
ACCT 588 - Memo 2
FIN 505 - Chaper 12
FIN 505 - Assignments Due

Feburary 23
ACCT 486 - Advanced
ACCT 486 - Military Test
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Dixon Corporation
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Pressco

Feburary 24
ACCT 598 - Paper 2

Feburary 26
ACCT 598 - Reflection
ACCT 598 - Homework 5

Feburary 28
ACCT 486 - Tax Paper

March 1
FIN 505 - EXAM

March 2
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Cooper Industries
FIN 515 - Case 2 - TBA

March 3
ACCT 598 - Case - Class Act
ACCT 598 - Case - Caltrone Computers
ACCT 598 - Case - Dover Books

March 8
ACCT 598 - Homework 6

March 9
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Friendly Cards
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Atlantic Corp

March 10
ACCT 598 - Case - Universal Software
ACCT 598 - Case - Aztec Laboratories

March 12
ACCT 598 - Reflection
ACCT 588 - EXAM

March 22
ACCT 588 - Colaborative Writing

March 23
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Friendly Cards
FIN 515 - Case 2 - Atlantic Corp

March 24
ACCT 598 - No Clas. Could it be true?

March 29
ACCT 588 - Homework 7

March 30
FIN 515 - Case 1 - Dynatronics

March 31
ACCT 598 - Case - Cisco Systems
ACCT 598 - Wolk - CPW #2

April 2
ACCT 588 - Homework 8

April 6
FIN 515 - EXAM

April 7
ACCT 598 - EXAM

April 12
ACCT 588 - Excel Project

April 16
ACCT 588 - Workshop

April 19
ACCT 588 - Homework 9

April 26
ACCT 588 - Homework 10

April 28
ACCT 588 - EXAM 4

April 30
ACCT 588 - Presentations

ACCT 588 - Final - Presentations

Christmas Poetry

My Mind to Me a Kingdom Is
Sir Edward Dyer (d. 1607)

MY mind to me a kingdom is;
Such present joys therein I find,
That it excels all other bliss
That earth affords or grows by kind:
Though much I want that most would have,
Yet still my mind forbids to crave.

No princely pomp, no wealthy store,
No force to win the victory,
No wily wit to salve a sore,
No shape to feed a loving eye;
To none of these I yield as thrall;
For why? my mind doth serve for all.

I see how plenty surfeits oft,
And hasty climbers soon do fall;
I see that those which are aloft
Mishap doth threaten most of all:
They get with toil, they keep with fear:
Such cares my mind could never bear.

Content I live, this is my stay;
I seek no more than may suffice;
I press to bear no haughty sway;
Look, what I lack my mind supplies.
Lo, thus I triumph like a king,
Content with that my mind doth bring.

Some have too much, yet still do crave;
I little have, and seek no more.
They are but poor, though much they have,
And I am rich with little store;
They poor, I rich; they beg, I give;
They lack, I leave; they pine, I live.

I laugh not at another’s loss,
I grudge not at another’s gain;
No worldly waves my mind can toss;
My state at one doth still remain:
I fear no foe, I fawn no friend;
I loathe not life, nor dread my end.

Some weigh their pleasure by their lust,
Their wisdom by their rage of will;
Their treasure is their only trust,
A cloakèd craft their store of skill;
But all the pleasure that I find
Is to maintain a quiet mind.

My wealth is health and perfect ease,
My conscience clear my chief defence;
I neither seek by bribes to please,
Nor by deceit to breed offence:
Thus do I live; thus will I die;
Would all did so as well as I!

Leaden-Eyed

Let not young souls be smothered out before
They do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride.
It is the world’s one crime its babes grow dull,
Its poor are oxlike, limp and leaden-eyed.

Not that they starve, but starve so dreamlessly;
Not that they sow, but that they seldom reap;
Not that they serve, but have no gods to serve;
Not that they die, but that they die like sheep.

--Vachel Lindsay

Urban Renewal/Gentrification

I had a quick conversation with someone on “the” twitter last night. C had attended a meeting dealing with some form urban renewal for the local DM district where her husband manages a business. Now, I wasn’t there but the gist of the meeting was about the removal or transformation of some of the blighted areas around their business.

Their place is a converted… something. The building used to be several other things and business, mostly involving some kind of repair, production, or construction facility. They have slowly converted it into (by getting sub-renters and badgering their slow to act landlord) a usable office space and bohemian community center. No small feat for people with little start-up capital and probably little to no government assistance.

Currently the building is still partially converted, with office spaces and nice wooden floors in the front that begin to deteriorate quickly as you move further into the unfinished part of the building. But, they keep working (and badgering) to get the place completed.

Their building is situated in a lower income part of town. It used to be an industrial park of some kind that was shut down as heavy industry moved out of DM. The area that is left is occupied by a large city vehicle storage area. It is desolate and what one would come to expect in area that has suffered from a large national economic shift away from industry. Obviously they would like the place cleaned up a bit.

And this brings us back to the discussion on what should be done in these areas. Because the land prices and economic activity is depressed, rent is cheap in the area. This allows people with small amounts of start-up capital to find places to rent and set up shop. When areas like this are cleaned up and gentrified, the riff raff is forced out. Land values rise and this is good for those that own business, but not so great for those who rent. When land becomes valuable, rent goes up and it can force out all of the people who “pioneered” the place in the beginning.

While this is probably not as big a concern in their particular case as it is an industrial area and most people own, as opposed to rent, it can be a great conundrum in areas that have large residential populations.

The majority of people who live in un-gentrified areas of the city are probably poor and also rent. While it is nice for people to clean up areas of the city, this will raise rent values as more and more… white… people decide they don’t want to live in the suburbs and want to live in a nicer area of the city. Eventually, through rent raises, the poorer citizens (who have not found ways to increase their incomes to compensate for their raising rents) are forced out and neighborhoods are destroyed.

And so the city planner is caught in a terminal bind. Do you want to make this area a “nice” place? And are we willing to force out age-old communities and force poorer people to move to do this? Or do you leave a place to rot in stagnation?

I suppose that this quickly becomes a question that no one can definitively answer without gauging the specific situations consequences. Although I think the consequences to poorer renting communities are easily glossed over in the quest for higher land values and positive cash flows. Plus there is an inherent positive nature associated with the idea of “cleaning up” rough parts of the city regardless of the consequences.

I consulted an urban planning book from a class I took a few years ago and it remains silent on this issue. It talks about the need for “affordable housing” and leaves it at that.

Hunting I: Friday and Saturday Morning

A few weekends ago I went hunting.
I think that it was a nice refresher from the intense college work. It was a weekend where there I was transported from DM to a town of approximately 600 people. No Internet. I kept my cell phone off most of the time as it was nice to unplug. No responsibility either. As I left the DM area all semblance of “trying to study this weekend” slipped away.

Friday night we both head in to town to watch the local high school fall in eight-man football to some other small town in Iowa of which I have never head. It was some consolidated school. There was no fence at the field either, fans were actively recruited to go up to the edge of the track and watch the action (and yell at any call the ref made that did not resoundingly support the home team). Over the din you could hear the sharp crack of plastic battle armor as these high school students put their full effort in to crushing their enemy. No matter how many times the home team scored, the opposing army would march down, score, and maintain their healthy lead.

We left with 5 minutes to go in the 4th quarter and drove to the local bar. We sat and drank until one, all the while engaging in various bar games and conversation.

Saturday… 5… 5:30am. You have to get up early, that is when the deer are most mobile. We shake off our collective hangovers and put on layer after layer of clothes. Even though it is approaching 45 degrees, we are encased in coveralls, coats, wool socks, and masks. The world is much colder when you are not moving and exposed up in a tree. The drive out to the stand is uneventful; we see a few deer prance around as the sun begins to think about coming up.

When we get out of the car we prepare ourselves by hiding our scent. A spray bottle that is a mix of cornstarch and other materials will help partially mask our smell. Breath is taken care of with “honey alfalfa” chewing gum which actually tastes pretty good.

Properly disguised, we march out to the stand. Dried leaves and corn stalks break beneath our boots as we conspicuously move. I try to avoid making too much noise, but sounds are produced with every single step. Once we make it to the stand, we bait it and climb up to the top.

Where we wait.

From here we can survey our vast empire. Two tree lines connect creating a L-shape that acts as a wind barrier for a field. We are situated on the “top” of the L, overlooking the corner that it creates. Mist hangs in the air over the freshly harvested field.

It is impossible to tell time while we are out there. The world slows to a crawl as I watch each individual layer of mist burn off. I pass in and out of consciousness. It is partially from the remnants of the beer, partially because I am not used to such a slow pace of action.

I am woken with a start: “Deer”.

I don’t move. Behind a tree I see a deer twice my size move out from under most of its cover. I watch this animal elegantly move with a stealth that seems impossible. Drawn closer, it moves painfully slowly (as if it were aware it was being watched) toward the kill zone. I can hear K’s thoughts, “Come on you fucker, keep comin’.”

To be honest, I can’t remember if K draws or not. Despite all the tricks and deer-like sounds we make, the animal freezes contemplating his next action. After a beat we can tell that he smells us. The deer snorts in contempt, shakes his head, and bounds away to the safety of the tree barrier.

Nuts. Not all is lost. After the rest of the uneventful morning, we dismount the stand and make our way back to the car and decide to steal eggs from K’s uncle (or some such other relative). After a few quick turns on these back roads, we arrive at a house with a small chicken coop outside. This adventure too only results in a loss as the eggs have already been confiscated by their rightful owner.